when "for good" doesn't feel so good

    Sometimes we lose our closest friends, the people who mean the most to us. Sometimes the loss is but for a season and sometimes it is for good. That phrase "for good" bothers me. Why is losing someone "for good"? How can it be? But, as I dig deeper into my spiritual life, I see that perhaps there is a bigger truth to "for good". Yes, my dear friend is gone. She was actually more than a dear friend. She was family. She had been in my life for close to five years. I met her at a meeting for my oldest son when he was in Kindergarten. She immediately struck me with her sense of wit. I attribute her with wit because she was the only one at the table who laughed at my joke. I have a very dry sense of humor. It can offend some people. But, those who get me often find that their belly aches from so much laughter. We became fast friends. I was very deliberate in how I courted her friendship. I thought she was a definite catch and didn't want her to get away. So, I do like I usually do when I like someone: jump in with all fours - but, in stealth mode. Our kids loved playing together. They were all young and silly. We'd go to the park. Walk in the rain. Play video games and eat pizza at Chuck-E-Cheese. We played almost every board game you can imagine. Swim like nobody's business during the summer. We even took all the kids on a weekend trip to Flagstaff to check out the Grand Canyon - a big fat slumber party. I could fill a journal with the memories we created together.
    I think that is why the phrase "for good" bothers me. She's gone now. I have no one to play with nor does my son.  But, maybe the good comes in because the time to play is over. Now, I must work. Now, I must focus on getting things done.  I must accomplish new goals and take care of business. She motivated me in so many ways. Even in her abscence, I see that she still motivates me. Some days, like today, I miss her like crazy. Wish I could call and just chat about daily stuff. But she's moved on to take care of her family. She loves her mother deeply and taking care of her involves most of her time and energy. She knew she would move back in a heart beat if anything ever happened to her mother. Thank God, nothing has happened to her mother but she felt the time was right to move back home. She also has a blooming soon-to-be teenage daughter that requires a lot of her time.
    I use this time, which is like an open space, to learn and make changes. She was my best friend here in Phoenix. Now, she is in New York. Her move has shown me that I can now also move on. Perhaps go back to the Bay Area or somewhere more adventurous like Spain. My top three choices: Spain, Colorado, and the Bay Area. I have my community back in the Bay so that adds weight for that option. But, I also really dig change and having to learn new things. We'll see what this "for good" will usher into my life.


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