This idea that we exist as individuals, solely unto ourselves, works until it doesn't work - when this idea butts up to reality. I love thinking of myself as a solo explorer even though most of my writing is to the contrary. I often prefer to be alone than in the company of others. I like to go on solo adventures - whether they are real or imagined.
I think I mentioned in the past that my writing is my journey, it is where I learn about myself and the world I live in. So, this afternoon as I was writing in my journal I saw that old myth of separation trying to substantiate itself again.
I have a feeling I am at odds with a dear friend, a colleague that I serve my country with. He asked me to do something. I did do what I was asked to. However, it was not done on his timeline. So, now I'm getting the cold shoulder. We all know what the cold shoulder feels like. I haven't felt it for so long that I was surprised at my own reaction. I really wanted to give him a piece of my mind and make it clear that he messed with the wrong soldier (Top Gun is a favorite movie of mine!) But, I waited and told myself: this too shall pass. However, it didn't pass. I think maybe because I sat down and had coffee with my resentment and disgust at being given the cold shoulder.
A lot went through my mind. I thought about using the chain of command to make my side of the situation known and possibly garner some sympathy. Then I thought about this spiritual work that I am always advocating. My inner self told me to put it into play. So I did. And, the truth of our connectedness hit me like a ton of bricks. I no longer wanted to thwart my colleague for any reason.
One cannot force or grasp a spiritual experience, they come when they come. I'm thankful that my awareness hit me before I hit the digits on the phone. It's humbling to open up to the greater good of what the Universe can bring. It's the not knowing that feels so edgy. And, it's the feeling of being on the edge and not falling off that creates faith. Faith in the greater good. Faith that we'll realize our connectedness in good time and when the ingredients of love are present.
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