Annerisms

The best laid plans are sometimes just a one night stand.  I'm not big on planning but with three kids I can see the benefits of it. I wanna be clear that this holiday season my biggest three gifts are my children. I'm not asking for more than that. Holy cow, I hit the jackpot! I am also pretty damn fortunate to have a partner who understands that healing concepts continually flow through life and they're free for the taking. And, she has this beautiful way of seeing that everything has a silver lining.  I'm feeling for all you parents out there who are struggling to get the quota of gifts under the tree. I'm not there and no one is more grateful about that than I am. I believe this is the direct result of not owning a tv, or maybe not having cable. We have an old 19inch that belonged to Nancy's mother. For nostalgia reasons, I can't seem to let go of it. (I hope Marie Kondo isn't one of my readers!) My kids watch DVDs on it and that's it. So ou

Believe it or not, that's what I want etched into my tombstone. And, yes, I want a monolithic one.  Today marks a week that I have been without my wallet. Here's a scoop of insanity for you: I know exactly where I lost it, it was at the Rubio's on 7th Avenue. That's a good fifteen minutes from my home. But that isn't stopping me from continuing to look for my wallet under every piece of clothing or book here at the house.  It feels like I lost my identity and I'm not ready to let go of it. I want the old me back. I don't feel ready to encounter the unknown and not yet.  Yesterday as I walked the trails, I begged God to hurry up and transform me. When the words “hurry up” left my lips I suddenly recalled that verse in the Bible where it says, “a day is as a thousand years” to God. (2 Peter 3:8) Then I really begged God not to make me the female version of Enoch. This transition of change is beginning to get to me. I know life is waking me up. I kno

FALLING IN LOVE, the physics of it - it being the physical properties and phenomena of the fall.  Amidst my cleaning, I came across an old digital camera that used to be my best friend back in the day. A Canon 8.0 megapixels. This, of course, was long before I owned an iPhone. But not so long ago that the photos have lost their relevance. The damn camera was dead so I had to hunt up some AA batteries so I could see what was on it.  Love cannot be bought or sold It's actually more precious than gold I've got it in several full buckets Some may read that as arrogance But don't be fooled Everything I have is a gift I didn't earn any of it People look at her Then they look at me And they know I'm living in luxury I've dreamed of a certain kind of love since I was a kid. I'm not ready to say I've acquired it, either. I am ready to say that I'm finally ready for it, though. I'm high on romance, all idealists are. I am practical but very theatric

Unmasked Human Things I accomplished over Thanksgiving break: 1. Worked through resentment towards one human being 2. Ate whatever I wanted to without trash talking myself 3. Put my calendar away and lived moment by moment 4. Spent time only with those I wanted to and not those I felt obligated to 5. Prepared most of our meals and ate them slowly in the company of my family 6. Listened more than I talked 7. Stole as many glances of Nancy that I could 8. Turned my alarm off and slept in 9. Caught up on some luxurious reading 10. Took my dogs on a long hike every day 11. Spent more time outside than inside 12. Outgrew some of my fears 13. Saw a scorpion and didn't scream-cry 14. Cried unabashedly with a group of my women friends 15. Watched my kids grow a little bit more 16. Drove around town slower than I usually do 17. Avoided laundry 18. Chilled like nobody's business 19. Won every game of Rummikub I played 20. Got rid of four bags of stuff It's December 1st, the f

Thanksgiving, I wish I could quit you! I love good food but I refuse to go rogue when so many of my brothers and sisters are doing their best to hold up the light. "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, a light unto my path." (Psalm 119:105)  How many of us are going to celebrate Thanksgiving in the dark this year?  I am going to share the real deal of the underbelly of this monstrosity we call Thanksgiving in hopes to shed light on what we can actually be thankful for. Take what you can and leave the rest, but please take something.  First, its evolution began in 1621 as a three day feast. Then it was proclaimed as a "Thanksgiving" after the 1637 massacre of Pequots. 'Damn, we just murdered a bunch of Natives, let's eat.'  Second, the history books were cooked so you could pull out a roasted, well buttered piece of bird rather than the bloody skinless carcass of a First American.  Third, we don't share these truths at the gatherings we hav

I continue to be moved by the outpouring of love and concern for the little Bingster. He has a definite following. I have no idea if he's aware how much he's loved. I've been keeping notes of all of this and plan to publish it. Not a tome but just recollections of lessons learned when community show up and what it all looks and feels like.  It's been over two weeks since he went missing. Yes, he's gone missing before and yes, he's been found. How was he found?  How are any of us found?  I've gathered that most of us are cynical by nature. Pessimism seems to be sport these days. And, please don't misunderstand me, there is a lot to be pessimistic about. I'm in full agreement. Here's where I struggle, though. Here's where my fork in the road is: Do I succumb to the melancholy of despair? Or, do I fight like hell to allow this experience to break me open and thus contribute to my evolution?  My sweetheart and I just finished a sit dow

WHAT HAPPENED? I just spent a good portion of time reading some more articles about the Covington Catholic debacle. A lot more stuff is coming to light. I'm sure both sides (conserves and libs) think this is productive. The media piranhas have made a pariah out of yet another Native American. Which, for the most part, seems to be our lot this go round. Regardless of whether you agree with me, certainly you can see how fast the tables turned as far as what narrative was being pitched. And, don't be so naive as to think there wasn't a narrative being pitched.  In the midst of my morning reading, I may have also lost a friend. I use the term "lost" loosely because I have no idea what makes a friendship turn one way as opposed to another. I do my best to show up and I think that counts for a lot. I also am taking liberty to refer to this as a friendship. I have a lot of folks who seek me out via FB messenger and sometimes I have time to chat extensively about per