Annerisms

The older I get, the more I realize how incredibly patient love is. I've been in and out of transformative moments this week. I began spring break with picking up my kids from school and then pulling over to the side of the road and puking my guts out. I puked so much and so hard that I thought one of my kids should call 911; I was shaking so much in the after math. I hadn't really eaten that morning so my body was releasing processed food from the day before. I got out of the car and laid on someone's front lawn hoping that the the coolness from the grass would calm my shaking body. I didn't have my bearings. I was scared. Who do you call when you're scared? I certainly know not to call a stranger. I don't know all the nurses at Indian Health Center but I know that the majority of them are Natives. I've been in ER twice in my life. Both times I was rushed to Phoenix Indian Hospital. Both times a Native nurse held my hand throughout. To see your kind looking...

WINTER What does winter mean to me? A season of cold and long dark nights. But also a season of stories. As a Navajo, stories are all I have. Winter has become a season of the imagination for me. A season of reflection, where I am asked to face the ghosts of the past. And, in facing them, I must treat them calmly and civilly before the snows melt and the cycles of the seasons can begin once more. This week the emotion of anger boiled up between the ribs and shoulder blades. Ice packs weren't doing the trick, either. I'm not going to sugar coat this, I loathe fear tactics and folks who use them are on my less-than-desirable list of those I want to hang with. I was raised in an environment where I was scared into believing that Jesus died for my sins and that gave God license to always watch me to make sure I did the right thing. I mentioned before that that parenting maneuver wreaked havoc on my twenties. Instead of being carefree and independent, my twenties were fraught with i...

  UNMASKED HUMAN Society's theology: Me first. Christ's theology: Others first. Theologies, of course, being systematic beliefs we've developed. We have developed both. We live in a society of Me First. Our penchant for no fuss, fast food is everywhere. And, I'm not judging. I had to kick my own ass to break up with Starbucks. And, don't think for a minute that we still don't go on the occasional date. As for Others First, we have a few organizations focused on doing only good. For example, The Navajo & Hopi Families COVID-19 Relief Fund. And, we have actual humans who live their lives putting others first. For example, Lynn Mack. This morning I thought a lot about the rise in COVID-19, which will soon need to be renamed COVID-19,20&21. The differences in beliefs regarding this virus all over the world. Mexico is essentially in denial. Arizona is being led by someone who appears to be in a coma. We've been waffling since last March. We have absolutel...

The best laid plans are sometimes just a one night stand.  I'm not big on planning but with three kids I can see the benefits of it. I wanna be clear that this holiday season my biggest three gifts are my children. I'm not asking for more than that. Holy cow, I hit the jackpot! I am also pretty damn fortunate to have a partner who understands that healing concepts continually flow through life and they're free for the taking. And, she has this beautiful way of seeing that everything has a silver lining.  I'm feeling for all you parents out there who are struggling to get the quota of gifts under the tree. I'm not there and no one is more grateful about that than I am. I believe this is the direct result of not owning a tv, or maybe not having cable. We have an old 19inch that belonged to Nancy's mother. For nostalgia reasons, I can't seem to let go of it. (I hope Marie Kondo isn't one of my readers!) My kids watch DVDs on it and that's it. So ou...

Believe it or not, that's what I want etched into my tombstone. And, yes, I want a monolithic one.  Today marks a week that I have been without my wallet. Here's a scoop of insanity for you: I know exactly where I lost it, it was at the Rubio's on 7th Avenue. That's a good fifteen minutes from my home. But that isn't stopping me from continuing to look for my wallet under every piece of clothing or book here at the house.  It feels like I lost my identity and I'm not ready to let go of it. I want the old me back. I don't feel ready to encounter the unknown and not yet.  Yesterday as I walked the trails, I begged God to hurry up and transform me. When the words “hurry up” left my lips I suddenly recalled that verse in the Bible where it says, “a day is as a thousand years” to God. (2 Peter 3:8) Then I really begged God not to make me the female version of Enoch. This transition of change is beginning to get to me. I know life is waking me up. I kno...

FALLING IN LOVE, the physics of it - it being the physical properties and phenomena of the fall.  Amidst my cleaning, I came across an old digital camera that used to be my best friend back in the day. A Canon 8.0 megapixels. This, of course, was long before I owned an iPhone. But not so long ago that the photos have lost their relevance. The damn camera was dead so I had to hunt up some AA batteries so I could see what was on it.  Love cannot be bought or sold It's actually more precious than gold I've got it in several full buckets Some may read that as arrogance But don't be fooled Everything I have is a gift I didn't earn any of it People look at her Then they look at me And they know I'm living in luxury I've dreamed of a certain kind of love since I was a kid. I'm not ready to say I've acquired it, either. I am ready to say that I'm finally ready for it, though. I'm high on romance, all idealists are. I am practical but very theatric...