WINTER
What does winter mean to me? A season of cold and long dark nights. But also a season of stories. As a Navajo, stories are all I have. Winter has become a season of the imagination for me. A season of reflection, where I am asked to face the ghosts of the past. And, in facing them, I must treat them calmly and civilly before the snows melt and the cycles of the seasons can begin once more.
This week the emotion of anger boiled up between the ribs and shoulder blades. Ice packs weren't doing the trick, either. I'm not going to sugar coat this, I loathe fear tactics and folks who use them are on my less-than-desirable list of those I want to hang with. I was raised in an environment where I was scared into believing that Jesus died for my sins and that gave God license to always watch me to make sure I did the right thing. I mentioned before that that parenting maneuver wreaked havoc on my twenties. Instead of being carefree and independent, my twenties were fraught with identity and acceptance issues. I'm over it now, more or less.
I try my best to have an open mind. However, the dilemma with that is that people come along and put things in it. Like fear, for one. What is there to fear but fear itself? Someone made that question out of FDR's first inaugural speech. His words, "Only thing we have to fear is fear itself." I resonate with the guy. He kept most people at a distance with his affable personal charm. I've been told I do that, too. I try to unmask myself in this venue because I am a writer and that's what we do. However, being afraid of fear is real and I want to be in this with you. Our country is a nightmare right now. In FDR's time, he was speaking to the Depression, which the country was in the the deep depths of it. Today, I am speaking to immigration and our country's role in it. We are being coerced into believing asylum seekers are evil and are out to get what we have and will use any measure to do so. Fear tactics are being used in the most egregious manner. Are you with me? How many of you are afraid to walk your streets in the evening? Hell, I lock my children in the car when I am at the local Circle K getting gas. This thing with the border has gotten me in knots. Why can't we see what we're doing to each other? I don't care what political party you are. I really don't. If you're a kind human being, you are my friend. That's really the only qualifier I have. I like humor, too. Seriously, you don't need to think like me or believe in the same God I do. In fact, the most liberating thing I was ever told was that I could choose a God of my own making. That broke, think shattered to smithereens, the God ceiling for me in every way imaginable. I created the most loving, available, consistent, funny, supportive and forgiving God I could imagine. And, here's the best part, that's the God I meet every morning upon waking.
I don't know who this post is for, other than me. But let's try a little bit harder to stop scaring each other with our racist remarks, you get what you deserve attitudes, and it's us against you type of trash talking. I'm not asking you to change the world, I'm just asking you to change you. One more bright light in the world helps in ways you probably won't see.
My son is my bright light. This morning, before I had my coffee, I told my son that I was feeling angry and it had nothing to do with him or his siblings. He didn't say anything, he just looked at me like he got what I was saying. Then, in the car on the way to school, he reached over and began to rub my neck without saying anything. I let him. I understand that my children are the beautiful ones sent from above to teach this Dada that there are fresh ways we will all learn to look at the ugliness we created. These fresh ways will invigorate us to pick up the trash in our souls and begin to reach out and help one another. I am convinced of this.
So convinced, in fact, that I pulled out my new favorite mug and took it the cafe and used it as a reminder.
Do the right thing today: BE KIND!
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