HOW ARE ANY OF US FOUND?

I continue to be moved by the outpouring of love and concern for the little Bingster. He has a definite following. I have no idea if he's aware how much he's loved. I've been keeping notes of all of this and plan to publish it. Not a tome but just recollections of lessons learned when community show up and what it all looks and feels like. 

It's been over two weeks since he went missing. Yes, he's gone missing before and yes, he's been found. How was he found? 

How are any of us found? 

I've gathered that most of us are cynical by nature. Pessimism seems to be sport these days. And, please don't misunderstand me, there is a lot to be pessimistic about. I'm in full agreement. Here's where I struggle, though. Here's where my fork in the road is: Do I succumb to the melancholy of despair? Or, do I fight like hell to allow this experience to break me open and thus contribute to my evolution? 

My sweetheart and I just finished a sit down with the burgeoning six year old in the house. She's fiercely trying to find her way and it currently involves going against whatever she perceives as the tide. Even though the tide only reaches its high point twice daily, she'll try to make it reach a high point at least three times. Depending on her mood, she may go for four. 

I was not sat down and spoken to as a child. Because I wish I was, I endeavor to this with my three kids. My childhood was wrought with being told what to do and in the midst of that being told who I was. Here's where it got awkward: no one ever asked me who I thought I was or who I wanted to be. I'm sure that could've saved my folks years of stress and me a roll of cash in therapy sessions. I'm still in Parenting 101 but the scores on the last two exams show me very clearly that kids have their own idea about how the world should work and they love when you pretend to know more than you do because they love watching buildings fall.

I am in the process of finding myself in finding my children. I discover new things about them almost every day. Since Bing went missing, I have been more tender than a undercooked piece of steak. Visually I look fine but underneath there is blood dripping everywhere. My children are holding me in a space where only children are allowed to roam. I feel very lucky in this regard. We are all experiencing Bing's teachings together.

I told my daughter that sitting down and exchanging ideas and feelings while we gently touch hands is what love looks. Love doesn't look like yelling or hitting or anything harmful. I want her to know what love looks like because there will come a day when she's out from my umbrella and someone may try to tell her that love looks like what we are currently seeing in society. 

A little over two years ago, Bing went missing from my home in Flagstaff. I was broken and afraid. How he was found was by a community effort, much like the one happening now. Flyers posted, people looking and noticing what is happening beyond their own noses. He was found because of the kindness of so many who took the time to pray for his safe return. He was found because I asked for help. He was found because I trusted that something bigger was happening even though I couldn't exactly see it. 

And, you know what? This is how we're all found. 

I trust in a power greater than myself because it's the only thing that has saved my life. Left to my own devices, my mind will annihilate me. My mind is a mine field, I never really know where to step. So I spend a good portion of everyday asking for guidance, trusting that source that only has my best interest at heart, having great confidence that I don't know a damn thing about a damn thing. And, each day I allow love to break me open because I understand that being connected is the only way I can be found, by you and others. 

What Bing is teaching me today is that I can love without ego. I am capable of exhibiting a love that has no cherished outcome. I hope beyond hope that we're reunited but I am going to love him even if we're not. And that love means that I want the absolute best for him. I want only love for him. Can you believe that a wandering chihuahua is opening me up like this? I hope you know that dog spelled backward is God. 

THANK YOU ALL for the prayers, hope, searching and leads. The texts and reposts of my posts is a beautiful example of what it means to be part of a caring community. I couldn't do this without you. 

Yours in service.